Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
