oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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