the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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