can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
