i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
