Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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