Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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