we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
