he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
