We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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