tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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