Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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