Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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