I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
