My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just got carded by a ten year old.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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