I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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