Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
