It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
