Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I believe in your delicious
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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