That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
