Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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