It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
