It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
