It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
