great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
