Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
