office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
