she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
