I'm gonna have a badass scar
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
