Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
