I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
