a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize