thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
