So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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