I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
