We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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