i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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