so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
