brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
