he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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