I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
