Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She even gives head with a lisp.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
