i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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