YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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