i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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