I just made out with a guy for $7.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
