Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
