Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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