Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
