just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize