i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
