dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
