If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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