i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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