SEEEEXXX PLEASE
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
