oh god the rape fog is back!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
