Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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