Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
