that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
