I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
