So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
