Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
