her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
