The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
