is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
