I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize