forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
