I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
