chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
