I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize