Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize