K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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